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DAY 31
New Alexandria, PA to Mapleton, PA
60 Miles
Ended up being a shorter ride today because of the committments to meet some kids in Chris’ hometown. It was a beautiful ride -- loads of downhills through wooded areas. There was still the feeling for me that maybe we should have pushed off earlier to go from our original destination, but the reminder of Gary’s struggles yesterday was fresh in my mind and I kept the idea to myself. This won’t be my last long distance trip.
The kids were great. We met some teenagers (pre-arranged by Chris) on a beautiful trail off the beaten path (very welcome as we spent the morning on a major highway getting buzzed by big rigs). We charged them with water guns and they didn’t put up much of a fight. I expected at least one wrestling match. What is with kids these days and their manners?
We rolled on for another 10 miles or so and met with a group of young kids from a local church who welcomed us with signs and cheers. They all came up to us and shook our hands and shook their heads in amazement everytime as we told them the same information -- how long we’ve been riding, how many miles we ride every day, how much water we drink...”I’d never do anything like this”, one young boy said. “You never know,” I replied. And that’s the truth. That little boy’s response could have easily been mine at various times in my life. To consider all that goes into making a trip like this...well, things conspired to make it right to do now and I’m very thankful.
We stopped in at the house Chris grew up in and took some quick showers before heading off to a camp where we will be playing with another group of kids and handing out bands. I’m very happy for Chris and can just see him beaming about sharing his home with us. And at the same time, I’m very tired. I could use a nap...but that is not in the cards for right now. There are only three more ride days. That freaks me out just writing it...three more ride days. It feels like I’ve been out on this road forever. It seems like it may never end. It’s like...this journey is eternal. And in some ways I suppose it is as it will never leave my heart. Not to mention with the work I have to do on the film -- this project will be with me for some time.
It’s great having a documentary under my belt so that I know better how to process the situation. I will give it time. I will step away from it for a while and focus on the marketing of Boys of Summer for a bit. I still want to get it out in September/October. That IS doable...iit will take work.
I miss my Bella terribly and I know she misses me. It has been very hard for both of us being apart from each other -- harder than last year. Last year she had a job she was comfortable with and I had a job to come back with that, even if I didn’t care for it that much, would pay me a little money and wouldn’t stress me out. I can get work when I get back to L.A. -- I know that. It’s more a question of at what cost -- to my freedom. The freedom may have to be sacrficed for some time. And that’s okay -- the give and take, push and pull, yin and yang of life.
Chris had an interesting take on hills (since we’ve been riding so many of them the last couple of days): he said he really likes hills because whenever he’s going up one, he knows he gets to go downhill on the other side. I like that simple philosophy because it suggests embracing situations rather than struggling with them. Spending time worrying about the climb you know you’ll have to make does no good. You simply make the climb. You don’t “try” to make the climb. You MAKE the climb. Period.
In one of my favorite movies, “Parenthood”, they use the metaphor of rollercoasters for life. Spending time getting upset about all the ups and downs and fearing the next one as opposed to embracing the situation and allowing for ups and downs that are clearly out of our control -- even learning to (God forbid) ENJOY them is quite a skill. At the same time, all it takes to do it is to commit to it.
There’s a big difference between trying and committing. Trying allows for possible failure. Committing means the worst you will allow yoursel to do is your best. Once you are committed you HAVE succeeded regardless of the result.
LATER...
We went to the camp tonight and Gary was electric. He connected to the kids very quickly and in interviewing them afterward, I could see many of them were noticeably moved. Chris was very excited to be in his old stomping grounds with familiar friends too -- it made me happy for him and struck a sad chord within me. I feel sad for several reasons:
A) Being in a home again makes me miss my home and all the things I associate with home.
B) At the end of the tour, I’ll be the only team member who doesn’t have family there to greet him.
C)I’m a bit fearful of returning to “regular life” in Los Angeles. There are financial concerns I’ve been able to hold at bay while out here; I don’t know what job I’ll be doing -- there’s work I can do, but I don’t want to do work that I “can” do -- I want to do work I want to do; work that feeds my highest good that will in turn, naturally, feed everyone around me. I feel a bit selfish and childish even as I write that. I have certain responsibilities that need to be met. I have to do what I have to do. I will find what I need to find no matter what I do as long as I’m doing the things that keep my heart right -- work out, meditate, spend good time with the Bella.
And now I must reflect on a moment of happiness -- that Chris just gave me a beautiful hat that had deep family meaning for him. It was a hat that belonged to his grandfather and something they’ve kept in the family for some time. It doesn’t fit him, so he slipped it on my head. He said he wanted me to have it as a measure of thanks and out of respect for our time together. It feels great on my head -- very natural. He gave it to me happily and I humbly accepted it.
I’ve learned so much on this tour.
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