What is health? Click here to see my new inspiring health documentary.
I have a lot to live for. I have a beautiful wife and two incredible kids. I have dreams. I’ve laid a foundation of artistic work that continues to open doors toward those dreams. Though I’m sometimes disappointed in my current station, wondering why I’m not further along, I try to remember that the road is the journey and there is no one destination.
My parents were always bastions of health to me growing up.
They often seemed to shine above others their age, to me, because of their zest
for living and their tremendous generosity of home and meals. We had friends
and family over regularly. There was always a lot of laughter and high praise
for my parents cooking. Their food left people wanting more. The laughter
healed hearts that I never knew needed healing. My parents exercised, ate well
and had a wonderful group of friends in a thoughtful, progressive community.
They were a large part of how I would have defined health.
In July of 2001, my parents were diagnosed with breast
cancer (mom) and Parkinson’s Disease (dad) within two weeks of each other.
Everything I thought I knew about health changed. If that could happen to my
parents, were they no longer healthy? Had they done something wrong? Was it
just bad luck? What did being healthy matter if this could happen to them,
seemingly so randomly?
Over the course of the next several years I began to examine
my own health – eating habits, exercise habits, social circles, relationships,
environment, and spiritual connection. These were all categories to explore,
measure and question. I’ve tried walking in the footsteps of many whom I’ve
admired from sources as wide as Jack LaLanne to Mahatma Ghandi. I’ve picked up
some things, left others behind. I’ve never felt bullet proof, but have had to
fight the egotistical part of me that says well, I live this healthy lifestyle
so I deserve x, y and z. It just
ain’t so.
About six weeks ago I had a sharp pain beneath my right
nipple. As cancer, including my mom’s breast cancer (of which she is a survivor
still), has several occurrences in our family, I was scared. A common male
response in our society is to bottle up at this point – tough it out. I felt that urge. Not me, I thought. I do all
the healthy things. I’m a guy people point to as an example. Yes, me.
My friend and health mentor Gary Earl’s voice rang out in my
head: “It’s so important to have a relationship with your General
Practitioner”. These words weren’t said directly to or for me, but at this
moment they were boring into my skull. I am fortunate to have insurance through
my wife’s work. But even with such, I had not formed a relationship with a
General Practitioner. I called the doctor that my wife and her family often
went to and set up an appointment. He examined me and my medical history, then
set up a blood test, x-ray, cardiology appointment and ultrasound. At first, I
was overwhelmed by all the information. And, frankly, I didn’t want to believe
there was anything wrong with me. The appointments were difficult to schedule
with life – kids, work, things that must get done… My wife and I talked and
knew these tests were important, but we hadn’t yet prioritized them. I went
back for my follow up two weeks later, only having taken care of the
ultrasound. My doctor confirmed he found two lumps. They were still painful.
And though I knew through a bit of
research that their being painful might, in fact, be a good sign that they were
not cancerous, it didn’t make me feel any better. The next day I got my x-ray
and blood work done.
The information was clearly weighing heavily upon my wife. I
do what I often do in these moments, which is look over the cliff. I considered
my death. I felt incredible sadness and loss – mostly for my kids. The thought
of them growing up without a father began a dull pain throbbing inside of me. My
wife has often told me she doesn’t know what she would do without me. I’ve just
as often told her she doesn’t have to worry about it. I couldn’t let this
happen – I couldn’t let a disease, condition, illness – whatever you want to
call it – end my life now. But, at least to some degree, it was out of my
hands. Now I was a bit scared.
I brought the news with me to our annual family reunion in
Washington. It was very hard for me to share my news, mostly because of pride
and not wanting anyone else to worry about me. At the same time, I knew I had
to because my wife was sick by not being able to talk about it. When I shared
my news with the family I felt detached, almost as if I was watching myself,
from behind, say the words I was saying. They sounded hollow. My family did
what they do: they loved us, hugged us and prayed for us.
I’m happy to say that the results from the x-ray and blood
test came back negative. My doctor prides himself on being overcautious,
something I’m thankful for. The only test that remains is the mammogram, which
is scheduled for today - in about two hours as a matter of fact.
What is health? Click here to see my new inspiring health documentary.
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