is in order. Annamaria and I went to see "Cinderella Man" yesterday. Excellent film -- truly moving. Beautiful in it's simplicity and deft touch by Ron Howard -- he continues to grow and really impress me as an artist. Watching what he went through, in whatever strange way, harkened back to my ride that morning. It was a very, very difficult challenge -- the toughest I've gone through yet. The long rides are a different kind of challenge and truly (in my experience) not as bad as short, physically, "are you capable of getting past this moment?" challenges.
I'm not understating the difficulties we will be facing as we head out next week. It's a long road. The beauty of it is, we're giving ourselves the time to do what it is we're setting out to do. Yes, we do have some comittments in terms of speaking engagments and I will be getting my work done, editing short pieces for the website along the way. But the biggest focus is, pedal and get where we need to get, see the amazing things there are to see and be present within that. We have allowed the time for that. That makes it possible and much more harmonious.
This morning's ride was a 30 mile jaunt around the southbay. Nothing of any real note to report except my pace was (according to my technology) a bit sluggish. Not sure what that was about. Fatigue from the hill? Perhaps.
June 21, 2005
I'm putting in 20-30 miles a day now -- trying to pace it up when and where I can. This morning was a very good ride -- held 22 mph for a good portion of it. Averaged around 19. I felt strong.
I thought I would take this morning off, but after the pain of some realizations last night, I needed the ride as much for my body as for my head. There are some areas in my life I have not become fully formed in and I need to keep developing them. It's interesting walking this line of integrity -- choosing to be fully conscious. Every time I think I have something going pretty well, something new pops up and I realize -- hmm, I need to look at that. And it's scary because it means peeling back layers, being vulnerable and teaching my old dog mind some new tricks, whether it likes it or not. There are often "old tapes" in my head that keep repeating the same message, telling me "that's who you are" (the equivelant) of "that's just the way it is".
I think "that's just the way it is" is one of the all-time great cop-outs and I don't subscribe to it. I can change me and the way I handle things and see things. That's completely within my grasp. To deny that is to deny my power and my responsibility and I will not live that way. I won't blame others. I will take responsibility. I will do my part. Let the chips fall where they may.
The story of the tortoise and the hare came into my mind this morning as I was spinning my wheels. It often does when I see other riders. I've been doing this enough to recognize other riders who are out there on the L.A. roads in the morning. It's kind of fun, that familiarity.
My competetive juices get flowing (okay, gushing) when other riders are around and I definitely kick it up a notch. That will be something I have to check with Gary and Geoff 'cause there's no need to race on the ride we're doing -- it's about being safe and getting everyone in in one piece.
The thing that got me this morning was that in the stoy of the tortoise and the hare, the tortoise is often thought of as the wise one because he takes it slow and steady. With his constant pace, he wins the race. Okay. I see that and can see how that makes sense. But in applying it to life, it assumes a race exists. If there is no race -- no end point -- nothing but a constant flow of time that we are participants in (almost certainly, in my mind, in more forms and on more levels than we currently perceive) then both approaches, slow and steady AND quick burst/rest, are equally valid so long as both the tortoise and the hare continue. There will be times the tortoise leads and times the hare leads. They are yin and yang -- balanced and equally important.
Life, itself, is a constant journey, never ceasing -- not even in death. |
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